A hundred bucks

A wealthy trader from Wall Street stopped in at the local tattoo parlor in Key West, Florida and requested to have a one hundred dollar bill tattooed on his penis.

The heavily tattooed tattoo artist looked at the extremely well dressed trader with a look of complete astonishment, and said, "I've had strange requests, but this one tops the list. Why in the hell would you want me to tattoo your penis with the picture of a one hundred dollar bill?"

The trader, in his usual fashion, looked at the burly artist and told him this account. "There are three distinct reasons I want this done and done immediately. One, I love to play with my money. Two, when I play with my money, I love to see it grow. Three, and this is the most important of all -- the next time my wife wants to blow a hundred bucks, she won't have to leave the house!"

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"Daddy, Daddy!"

The policeman was walking his beat when he saw two men fighting and a little boy standing alongside them crying, "Daddy, Daddy!"

The officer pulled the two men apart and, turning to the boy, asked, "Which one is your father, lad?"

"I don't know," the boy said, rubbing tears from his eyes. "That's what they're fighting about!"

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A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.

"Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grownups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to look forward to or believe in!"

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Silas and Sally were out in the cornfield happily humping away. It had rained that morning and there was lots of mud on the ground and they found themselves sliding around a bit in the mud.

"Say, Honey, is my cock in you or in the mud?" Silas asked.

Sally felt around and said, "Why, Silas, it's in the mud!"

"Well, put it back in you," he replied.

After a while, Silas asked again, "Honey, is it in you or in the mud?"

"In me, honey. In me," Sally cooed happily.

"Well, would you mind putting it back in the mud?"

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A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife.

"Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's fidelity."

"Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the wife."

"One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, 'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'"

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New drug being developed by Glaxo soon to be tested: The drug is called "Gingko Viagra," and its function is to help you remember what the fuck you are doing.

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The old perfesser's eagerly awaiting the new cereal from Kellogg's, being marketed especially to impotent men.

It's to be called "Nut N Raisin Honey!"

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Updated 21.3.2021 14:40
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