Furniture business

The old perfesser's cousin Virgil owned one of the biggest and fastest-growing businesses in southern Georgia, a furniture store. With all the Yuppies and carpetbaggers moving into 'Lanta from up north, he was making money hand over fist by carrying a line of Fine Furrin Furniture.

The old perfesser convinced him that he needed to take a trip to France to check out the merchandise himself, and because he was still single, he could check out all the hotty french femme's, and maybe get lucky.

As Virg was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady... she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so neither understood a word the other spoke.

He took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi.

She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park.

Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to dinner.

After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

Virgil was dumbfounded, and to this day remarks to the old perfesser that he's never be able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.

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It was painfully evident to the indignant Mother that all was not well with her attractive daughter. To her pointed questions, the girl tearfully admitted that motherhood was approaching and that a close friend of the family was responsible.

With fire in her eyes, the Mother drove over to the friend's house and confronted him. The man readily admitted his guilt. "But I have a very good reason." the soon-to-be dad said. "I doubt that I'll ever get married and wanted an heir to leave my fortune to. If your daughter presents me with a daughter, I'll give her $500,000. If she bears me a son, I'll make it a million."

Hearing this our distraught Mother was silent for a while. Then, finally, she gave her reply. "Now see here," said the Mother, "That's totally unacceptable. If it's a miscarriage, will you at least give her another chance?"

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The young old perfesser just loved carnivals and circuses, and would always hang around them whenever one was in town. At one particular carnival, he stopped in at the Palm Reader's booth and sat down for a reading.

Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."

The young old perfesser readily agreed, and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."

"That's true," said the young old perfesser.

"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?" she asked.

"Yes," the young old perfesser shamefully admitted. "That's amazing.

You can tell all of this from my love line?"

"Love line?" she giggled. "No, it's from the calluses."

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A woman goes into the small-town hardware store and tells the owner she needs a drawer pull handle to replace a broken one.

He gets out one that matches her description and asks her "You wanna screw for that?"

And she thinks a minute, glances around, and replies, "No, but I'll blow ya for that toaster over there."

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Q: How can you tell if a woman used a vibrator during pregnancy?

A: The kid stutters.

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Updated 21.3.2021 14:40
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