Patience is a virtue

The first rocket ship arrived on Mars, and the astronauts were welcomed with great Martian joy and curiosity. In the course of the interviews that followed over the next several days, the interrogators came to the topic of sex.

The commander of the rocket began an explanation, but the Martians couldn't believe what he was attempting to explain, so he asked Major Julie, the medical officer, to help him with an actual demonstration. The Martians watched the demonstration with fascination, and when the commander and the medical officer had finished, they asked, "And then what?"

"Well, then, we wait 9 months and see what happens."

"NINE MONTHS? Then why were you in such a rush to get it over with here at the beginning?"

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The Abbot

The abbot of a nearby abbey was out in the nearby city running errands downtown when he saw a woman of questionable character say to a passerby, "Twenty bucks for a blowjob," at which point the passerby and the woman promptly went down the next alley, where they went out of view.

The abbot was perplexed, for the very same thing occurred at another streetcorner in the city. He was walking down a sidewalk, when another woman, much the same as the first, stated to another passerby, "Twenty bucks for a blowjob," at which point the two rapidly went into a nearby alley, where the abbot couldn't see what was going on. Still not knowing what a "blowjob" was, the abbot left the city as naive as he was upon entering it.

Back up the hill, the abbot was still contemplating what a blowjob was, so he went to see the mother superior at the adjacent convent. "Mother superior," he asked, "what's a blowjob?"

"Twenty bucks, same as downtown!"

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A fly

A fish in a mountain steam spots a fly 10 inches above the water...

'If that fly goes down 6 inches I'll be able to jump up and get it!' thinks the fish.

In the forest a bear stands watching the fish...

'If that fly goes down 6 inches, the fish will jump up and get it and I'll be able to get the fish,' thinks the bear.

Across the stream is a hunter...

'If that fly goes down 6 inches, the fish will jump up, the bear will come out and get the fish, and I'll shoot the bear,' thinks the hunter.

Behind the hunter is a mouse...

'If that fly goes down 6 inches, the fish will jump up, the bear will come out and get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear and when he stands up his cheese sandwich will fall out of his back pocket, and I'll be able to get it.' thinks the mouse.

Behind the mouse is a cat...

'If that fly goes down 6 inches, the fish will jump up, the bear will come out and get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, loosing his sandwich, the mouse will get the cheese and I'll get the mouse,' thinks the cat.

So, the fly goes down 6 inches, the fish jumps but misses, the bear grabs but misses, the hunter shoots but misses, the mouse gets the cheese, the cat jumps at the mouse but misses and the cat lands in the stream...

Moral: For every fly that goes down 6 inches there is a wet pussy.

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POPPING PILLS

A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper. The patrolman told her to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in her mouth, as she stepped out of the cab. Figuring that the driver was putting away her pep pills, the patrolman asked, "Did I just see you swallow something?"

"Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver.

"Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman.

"Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was going to get screwed."

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:40
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