Banana split

A little old man shuffled slowly into the "Orange Dipper," an ice cream parlor in Trailer Estates, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "arthritis!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

What did you do this summer?

It was the first day of the school year, and an elementary teacher was trying to get to know her students.

"What did you do this summer?" the teacher asked Suzie.

"Me and my family went to the beach a lot," Suzie answered.

"That sounds like fun," said the teacher. "How about you, Emma? What did you do this summer?"

"Me and my family rode our bikes together."

"That sounds lovely," said the teacher. She continued with all her pupils until she got to shy Mikey in the corner of the room.

"What did you do this summer, Mikey?"

"Nothing," the boy responded timidly.

"Did you do anything with your family?" the teacher asked, try to draw Mikey out.

"Yes."

"Did you go to the beach?"

"No."

"Did you ride bikes?"

"No, never!" the boy burst out. "We can never ride bikes together!"

"Why not?" said the shocked teacher.

"I don't know," explained Mikey, "but dad always said, when then mom and sis start 'cycling together', it's time to get the hell out of town."

= = = = = = = = = = =

Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom.

"Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said. "I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"

"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is compliment her. Chicks love to be complimented. You'll have her in the palm of your hand."

About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black eye.

"Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked.

"I took your advice."

"Didn't you compliment her?"

"Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After a while I started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large breasts they sure were firm. She like that too."

"It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said.

"Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went wrong. I got her dress up and her panties off, and I tried to think of another compliment."

"What did you say?"

"For such a large crack, it doesn't stink much."

= = = = = = = = = = =

Quote of the Day...

"A hard man is good to find."

Mae West

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:41
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