Two Nuns

Two nuns decide they're going to sneak out of the convent and have a real night on the town. They hit all the bars and dance clubs, and decide they've finally got to head back to the convent.

To enter the convent's grounds they have to crawl under some barbed wire. The nuns start crawling under the wire on their bellies.

As they're crawling under the wire, the first nun turns to the second and says, "I feel like a Marine."

The second replies, "Yeah, me too, but where can you find one this time of night?"

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Young Tryst

A very young couple exhibiting signs of extreme nervousness timidly approached the check-in desk of a large Manhattan hotel.

"Good evening, sir," said the official behind the desk, favoring the young man with a perceptive wink. "Suite 16?"

"Oh, no!" the young man responded quickly. "She's eighteen."

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A fellow was down on his luck and needed a job badly, the only trouble was he couldn't read or write. He knocked on every door asking for work. Finally he knocked on the door of a house of ill repute. The madam said she needed a bookkeeper, but he explained he couldn't read or write. The madam felt sorry for him and said she would give him food and a place to stay in return for his doing the janitorial work around the place.

For dinner, she fed him well and he had a nice apple left. He went out to take a walk and a fellow offered him a dime for the apple. With that dime, he bought two apples and promptly sold them for a dime each. With that money, he bought more fruit and sold it.

The rest was history, he founded an enormous produce empire and became a millionaire. One day he and his accountant were talking and the accountant said, "My gosh, look at you, a millionaire, just think what you could have done if you could read and write."

The owner of the company said, "If I could read and write, I would be a bookkeeper in a whore house."

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An elderly couple met for a romp in the broom closet at the nursing home. They undressed and were about to screw.

The woman decided to warn the man of her heart condition. "I should tell you, I have acute angina. "she said.

The man replied, "that's good because you have the ugliest breasts I ever seen!"

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