Lost wallet

A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification.

Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home, but was stopped by the Customs Agent at the Tijuana border.

'May I see your identification, please?' asked the agent.

'I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet,' replied the guy.

'Sure, buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border,' said the agent.

'But I can prove that I'm an American!' he exclaimed. 'I have a picture of Bill Clinton tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of Hillary Clinton tattooed on the other.'

'This I gotta see,' replied the agent.

With that, Joe dropped his pants and bent over in front of the agent.

'By golly, you're right!' exclaimed the agent.

'Have Fun In Chicago. 'Thanks!' he said.

'But how did you know I was from Chicago?'

The agent replied, 'I recognized Barack Obama in the Middle.'

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At the Clinic

A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood taken to test his cholesterol. The buxom nurse went about taking the blood sample from his finger. After finishing she looked around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood. She couldn't find one so she looked innocently at the guy, took his finger and sucked it.

The guy was pleased and asked, "Do you think I could have a urine test done?"

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A Martian was visiting Earth and happened into an bar. He went up to the flashing pinball machine in the rear and asked, "What's a nice girl like you doing in a crummy place like this?"

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Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine?

"Hi, It's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is 'Share the love.'" Beep."

"Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling...Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love..."

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:43
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