Nuts about you

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.

I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

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Persian rugs

A woman walks into a shop that sells VERY EXPENSIVE PERSIAN RUGS. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now. As she turns back, there, standing next to her is a salesman.

"Good day M'am, how may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir how much does this rug cost?"

He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna shit in your pants when you hear what the price is!"

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A husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was reading the ads in the paper. He looked up and said, "Here is a great sale on tires!"

His wife replied, "What do you want tires for? You don't have a car."

He says, "I don't complain when you go out and buy a new bra, do I?"

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Young Johnny and Susie were playing doctor, on the back porch when Susie's mom popped in on them.

"You're gonna get a good lickin when daddy gets home" she said.

Susie replied, "Johnny's been doing that all afternoon."

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