Winter dreams

An elderly friend in Northern Canada, still enjoying life, walked into a doughnut shop one afternoon when the temperature was -40 degrees. The attractive young girl at the counter said, "Really cold, isn't it!!"

"Sure is. Why don't you and I run away to Hawaii?"

And suddenly she turned serious and looked at my friend and wanted to know if he could afford it. Playing along, he said, "I sure can."

Still thinking for a moment, the girl finally said, "It's not really that cold."

= = = = = = = = = = =

Wo, Man!

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man,' Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such in a way that he will satisfy your ah, physical needs. He'll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advise to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?"

"Yeah, well....you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring...so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. So, just remember...it's our secret...Woman-to-woman!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

An old italian couple is walking around in the mall. After a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask:

"Escusa me, have you seen-a my-a Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lotsa of curly black hair?"

The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband.

So the Italian woman goes to aks another saleswoman:

"Escusa me, have you seen-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lotsa of curly black hair?"

"No, I'm sorry ma'am, I haven't seen your husband."

The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and ask:

"Escusa me, have you seen-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lotsa of curly black hair?"

The saleswoman answers: "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here lickety split."

To which the Italian woman answers: "No no no, that's not-a my Tony, he pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts but he no lickety split!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

Gill and John are in a sauna. Gill says to John, "Do you want to see a magic trick?"

John says "Sure."

"OK. Face away from me and get down on your hands and knees".

John turns around and gets down on all fours.

"There," says Gill, "...does that feel like you've got a thumb up your ass?"

"Yes!"

Gill waves both of his hands in the air, "Magic!"

= = = = = = = = = = =



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Updated 10.6.2017 10:43
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