Perspectives

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

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They're finally together

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.

She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died.

But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.

She finally died after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"

The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."

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Gotta pee

MrsPauly and MrsMaury had gone for a girls'-night-out. Both were very faithful and loving wives; however, they had gotten overenthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

MrsMaury had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. MrsPauly, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home. The next day Maury was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed, hung over, so he phoned Pauly and said, "These girls' nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!"

"That's nothing," said Pauly, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said...

'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'''

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Q. What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common?

A. You don't look down.

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