Little Johnny

Little Johnny asked, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

His mother replied, "The stork brings them."

Puzzled, Johnny asked, "Then who fucks the storks?"

= = = = = = = = = = =

At the Pub

The owner of the pub went up to the bartender and asked, "Have you been fooling around with the waitress?"

"Oh no, sir, I sure haven't," replied the bartender.

The owner replied, "Good, then YOU fire her."

= = = = = = = = = = =

According to the U.S. Census Bureau:

190,374 people are screwing right now,

212,130 are kissing.

11,238 are getting oral sex,

1 poor bastard is reading emails.

You hang in there!!!

= = = = = = = = = = =

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.

After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar:

A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue... salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys...smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks...this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.

In one second the sharp lime taste hits. At two seconds the Baileys curdles.

At three seconds the salty, curdled taste and mucous-like consistency hits. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.

This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.

When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus, what do you call that drink?"

She smiles widely at him and says, "Blow Job Revenge."

= = = = = = = = = = =

Q. What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?

A. Bingo

= = = = = = = = = = =



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Updated 10.6.2017 10:44
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