More skin-tight pants

This Jewish rock star went to his tailor and asked for a new pair of pants that he could wear on the stage: "I want these pants to be skin-tight, I mean SKIN-TIGHT. I want them to see my equipment down there."

Said the tailor, "Don't be worrying. Not only will they know about your equipment, they'll be able to tell your religion."

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Dear Diary,

This morning I went to see my orthopedic surgeon for a checkup on my new hip and told him, "You know doctor, I really like to have sex in sports cars."

He said, "And I suppose you expect me to say it's okay for you to do it in a cramped space with your new hip?"

""No," I replied, "I just want to borrow your Porsche."

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Dear Diary,

I'm going to be a father! That's the good news.

The not-so-good news is that Mrs. Perfesser doesn't know about it yet.

T.O.P.

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Dear Diary,

It was Little Pauly's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that Little Pauly was a good kid but that he was a hell of a gambler. He warned her that Little Pauly might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely.

The teacher did not seem disturbed, she assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of Little Pauly's urge to gamble.

Shortly after lunch, Little Pauly's father called the teacher and asked her how things were going. "Oh, everything is going very well," she said, "I think I may have cured Little Pauly of his gambling habit."

The father asked her what had happened.

"Little Pauly absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear," she said, "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole."

"Damn!" His father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would have your pants down before the day was over!"

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:47
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