Addition

Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six. that son of a bitch is nine."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework."

"And is this how your teacher taught you to do it," the other asked.

"Yes" he answered.

Infuriated, she went to see Little Johnny's teacher the next day.

"What are you teaching my son in class?" she asked.

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother continued, "And are you teaching them to say 'Two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?'"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.'"

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Happily Ever After

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old mates.

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, coochy cooh?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the pub, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?'

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland, Japan , India ,etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop....but at the pub..you know...they have frozen glasses...'

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the pub they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious.... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

'But my sweet honey... At the pub..... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that....'

'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your f***ing beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf***ing snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't f***ing going anywhere! Got it, A**hole?'

...........and, they lived happily ever after.

Now, isn't that a sweet story?

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Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool. When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other and said, "Did you notice the small dicks on the rich kids?" The other answered, "Yeah! It's probably because they have real toys to play with!"
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The groom stood naked in front of the mirror admiring his physique. "Two inches more and I'd be a king." "Yes," said the bride, "and two inches less and you'd be a queen."
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Updated 10.6.2017 10:48
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